Dating Is Hard....

 

 Let me give you a little background into my love life.  I am now 26 years old, and I have been a fabulous single lady through all of it.  My parents were really strict about dating, and since I was a good and relatively non-rebellious child, I listened to their rule of No Dating Until You're Out Of College! That was an actual expectation, I'm not even joking.

 I am obviously well out of college now and getting closer to my 30's and there's this rising panic of, "OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, AM I JUST TOO AWESOME TO SNAG A MAN?" Don't worry, the panic is mild.

 Growing up, I was never really boy crazed.  Looking back, I was a pretty abnormal kid. In elementary school I played on the playground by myself and was completely fine with it. I remember that for recess I'd climb up on this set of jungle bars that was completely separated from the playground, and I would sit at the very top and watch the others.  I was never sad about it at all, I'd just sit up there and  stare up at the sky and swing my legs back and forth until the whistle blew. When I rehash that memory to my friends it all sounds very dramatic and depressing, but honestly I was a happy kid!

 Then in junior high I always floated around with friends and never had a solid group of friends until I was in the 10th grade.  Sure I had crushes on some of the boys, but it was never a priority of mine and I never cared enough about it.

 After high school all I worried about was my career.  At first I was going to be a nurse because my parents wanted me to be.  I took two semesters of prerequisites for it and changed my major to accounting.  Did one semester of accounting and finally told my parents that I wanted to be a drama teacher.  Needless to say that they were not thrilled about my decision but they eventually got over it. Went on a couple of dates during college, none of which were serious.

 Fast forward to now and I've only been on about 5 dates in total. Dating is hard! I don't even know how to meet people, honestly! It's stressful, uncomfortable, and time consuming.  I've tried the dating websites and I've had awkward dating experiences from those....

 I just want to meet someone organically, but I don't see how I could do that.  I'm at school all the time, I rarely leave before six.  I also have this thing where I immediately friend-zone every guy I meet.  It's not because I don't find certain guys attractive, but it's because I've always done that.  I don't see someone cute and think, "I should flirt with them and see where this goes,"  I think, "I hope we'll be friends!" The possibility of a potential anything happening with a new guy and me just never happens in my mind.

 Going out on dates makes me anxious.  It's too unpredictable! Like what if we don't click? What if we have nothing to talk about and there's too many awkward silences? What if he's a complete jerk? What if I do or say something stupid? How long is this going to take, because I haven't planned my lessons for tomorrow?

BUT the other problem is, what if it all goes really well? Then I'll be doing that thing where I over-analyze everything I said and did. Then I'll start hoping for a second date. Then I'll be disappointed when he doesn't text or call.  Then I'll start thinking about him at weird times throughout the day and start daydreaming when I don't have time for that because I still haven't planned my lessons for tomorrow!

 Ya know what I mean?

 Okay.  I say that I don't have time for it.... mainly because a part of me is terrified, and the other part of me still doesn't care too much about whether or not I'm in a relationship.  I think about it all the time, but I'm not sure how strong my desire to "put myself out there" is.  I have moments where I'm a total girl and wish it would happen like it does in the movies.  Then there are moments when I think, "It'll happen when it happens and if it doesn't, oh well," which I think about 95% of the time.

 Would it be nice to have a boyfriend? Sure! It would be something completely out of my comfort zone and would be an interesting and nice change.

 Do I need a boyfriend? No.  Obviously not, I haven't had one all my life!

 The last thing is that I've been told I'm intimidating and hard to approach by several different men.  I think I'm friendly so when I hear that I'm really confused.  One explained that it was because I know myself really well and I have it together.  That is even MORE confusing because.... well, shouldn't people like that instead of be intimidated by it?

 As you can see, my feelings are crazy everywhere about the topic of dating and relationships. I have absolutely no clue about it, it's basically a foreign language to me.

I think I'll just continue telling everyone I'm too busy to date.  It wouldn't be a complete lie!

Can I Get In Trouble For This?

 As most of you know (or maybe not), teachers have a lot of rules, regulations, and legality worries that are drilled into our heads during college. I like rules, I'm a rule follower! But there are rules that a find a little hard pressed.

 For example, taking pictures of the students and filming their in-class performances. You know the whole "a picture is worth a thousand words" sentiment? Well there are pictures of my students that are hilarious that I'd love to upload and share, but I'm terrified! I understand that it's because they're minors and there are possible dangers in it..... BUT, in this day and age what ISN'T uploaded and shared? The kids go to the restroom during class and take selfies and upload it to their instagram!

 I want to be able to share their creative performances and skits that they come up with but I can't, and I feel like it's a shame.

 One of my favorite things to do is to document my life and experiences.  I take pictures like I'm a tourist, I've kept journals since I was in junior high, I've kept notes that were written to me from high school! I'm a historian of my life and the things that happen in it, and my students are a huge part of that now, but I can't post it. I find facebook and instagram to be an extension of my documentation and scrapbook.  I only post pictures of them once they've graduated and are no longer my student.

 The thing that irks me is that I have fellow teachers who posts pictures of their students all the time on facebook! So does that mean I'm allowed to? I honestly just want to share their work or hilarity to everyone else and let everyone enjoy and love them as much as I do! But I can't because there's that Hitchcock shower scene song in the back of my head every time I feel like uploading something that has a student in it.

 I just think that with technology and social media the way it is, it gets more and more difficult to avoid these things.  If I didn't take a picture or record something, a student has and it's instantly on facebook, instagram, or vine in seconds anyway!

  I just gotta pick and choose my battles, I guess! I love my job too much to get fired or sued over something like posting a picture of a student!